How to get, how to get to...

Apparently, one of the original names for Sesame Street was "123 Avenue B." I read this illuminating article on the architecture of Sesame Street and how it's influenced the author's view of space. A lot of what he says really resonates with me, too:

"Sesame Street was my first experience of a city. I had no idea where it was set when I was a kid, or even that it was in a city at all. I tended to imagine all settings as more or less equivalent to the small Midwestern city where I grew up...I didn't realize how centralized American culture is, how little of America Sesame Street depicts. I didn't realize my life was considered provincial."

The urban environment in my mind's eye is always going to start with a green lamppost and a street name on it. Behind it, there's a green door under the numbers "123" with a friendly stoop, wedged in between a trashcan and a giant bird's nest on one side and a car-less lot on the other.

I've spent almost a full calendar year in urban environments now, starting in Rome, pausing in Chicago, and ending up here in New York City. If I haven't quite gotten the hang of New York yet, it has much more to do with the major reason I enjoyed myself in Rome and Chicago -- the people around me. In Rome, I was constantly surrounded by my friends, and we had our own Sesame Stoop in the form of a terrace. In Chicago, well, Hitchcock is Hitchcock. I think that's the major reason I never really get homesick, even when I'm in a place vastly that's different from my roots. My home's really just an idea of how a community should interact.

"Whether or not I understood Sesame Street's setting, it stuck in my head as a model for how people should live: close to one another, in a place where neighbors knew, liked, and watched out for each other, where chance encounters were common and meaningful. And I've sought that out repeatedly in my adult life."

I've been getting a lot of questions recently about where I'm going to live once I graduate. I have no idea. But I know what kind of place I'm going to look for once I get there.

More discusstigation.

My addled dream-head coined a new word last night -- "discusstigation." I find it delightfully redundant. There was a lot going on in last night's REM cycles. First, I ended up at my old elementary school with a friend I hadn't seen in ages. I had to take the bus home from school for some unfathomable reason and somehow ended up on a swingset with a girl who gave me some short stories she'd written a few years ago.

Back in the real world, Murphy's Law reared its ugly head. I woke up and found out I had fifteen minutes to get to work on time. So, naturally, my MetroCard stopped working and the machine refused my credit card.

I don't know why, but I feel like today's gonna be a Boss battle with insecurities.

Brawl for one and one for brawl

Yesterday, I had big plans. I was gonna climb the Empire State Building. I was gonna go to the World Trade Center. I was gonna be somebody. I was gonna go to Staten Island.

Unfortunately, due to a combination of an ill-advised gym session in the wee hours of the morning, I only managed to go to the WTC. There was nothing there. Go figure.

I did manage to take a tour of lower Manhattan, passing through Tribeca, NoHo, and SoHo on my way up. I'm really starting to get a feel for the town.

Today, the rain foiled any plans I had of making a longer excursion. I made it twenty blocks before I was forced to duck into a B&N.

Then, I came home and got the shock of my life playing Brawl against Ross and Pelks. Pelks completely schooled us. It wasn't even close. At first I was really upset, but then I started to feel a certain kinship with Yoda.

Anyway, the next four days are going to be spent training brutally until our next rematch. The record cannot stand like this.

Livin' La Vida Local

I'm feeling finally settled in as a New Yorker. In a day defined by largesse, I loafed around the entire time at work today, spent far too much on meals, saw a Broadway show, and returned to an apartment flooded with electronix.

Due to a $700,000 check being misplaced, my boss overlooked the sixty or so grant recommendations I made and frantically began calling the agency that was assigned to deliver it. (I'd been working on my project most of the month.) As such, she told me to "surf the Internet and pretend you are gainfully employed. Here, copy this if you absolutely must."

Luckily, my DCAU collected comics series was done torrenting at that point.

After work, I called my Dad to wish him a happy birthday. Then I met Ria at this somewhat pricey place for Italian food before seeing [title of show].

So, I generally don't hold truck with PoMo bullshit, and especially not in my favorite medium, but for some reason the meta-elements really worked for me. The cast was just so goddamned earnest and charming and clever that they totally won me over. I wasn't really a part of the target audience for the show, not being 1) gay 2) obsessed with musicals or 3) a New Yorker. So it was kind of interesting. It was akin to me and Pelks talking Muppets in front of a captive audience for 90 minutes.

The two leads reminded me of my relationship with Ross, except for two differences: they were gay but unmarried to each other.

Afterwards, I came back to an apartment and noticed that Neil had delivered an extra futon, two tables, a toaster, several feet of extension cord and (wonderfully) a TV. I set up everything in five minutes, but kinda over did it. At one point, waiting for the Wii's wireless to connect, I had my computer playing music, the toaster going, the Wii, and my DS as I waited. I heart technology.

Then I played my first online Brawl match with my Wii against Adam and Becca, which was oodles of fun.

All in all, it was quite day.

Of Bats and Gorillas

A few months ago, Pelks gave William and I a shot at Splash!, which is a program wherein college students gain access to the minds of impressionable children.

Bad idea. Here are the courses we're teaching:


HIST 11000: The Dark Knight Abides

The World's Greatest Detective. The Dark Knight. The Caped Crusader. The latest "Batman" film cemented his place as the greatest hero in the history of comicdom, and he doesn't even have any powers. How has Batman evolved over the years? What makes Batman tick? How does he do the crazy things he does? This course will analyze Batman by studying his history, psychology, and crime-fighting methodology. Shark-repellent Bat-Spray not included.


BIOS 11000: History of Giant Apes Wearing Ties

"He's the leader of the bunch. You know him well." Donkey Kong was one of gaming's first icons. Starting with Donkey Kong in 1981, the well-dressed D.K. has swung, punched, and clapped his way into a variety of genres, including platforming, fighting, racing, and even rhythm games. Join us in this Kong quest as we examine the career of this amazing ape and the history of one of the world's most successful companies, Nintendo. Get N or get out!

Trainer Tips

Last night, Margot and Noel flew in on their way to Lisy's at midnight. This was kind of problematic, 'cause I had had my first trainer session at the gym. I made the mistake of telling Ash Ketchum that I'd need to be in a Batsuit by November. Since he saw "Dark Knight," he's clearly convinced I need to go back to Chicago in better shape than Christian Bale. He is going to destroy me.

Anyway, Margot, Noel and I wandered around the neighborhood before getting gyros and beer. I had to get up for work at 7:30, but that didn't stop me from staying up until 4 with them. Then I slept on Neil's cot.

If you truly wish to take the measure of a man, spend a night in his bed. I mean, what?

Comic Relief

Yesterday I arrived at the house of some family friend who'd known me quite a while. They first met me in 1992, when I was five and they were twenty-five. Now I'm almost as old as they were when they first met me. Talk about perspective.

They had guests over, and it had the potential to turn into one of those awful Indian gatherings where I just sit in the corner, but luckily there was an English lit. student from Binghamton who was just a year younger than me there. She and I talked Batman, Firefly, and comics in general, so it wasn't that bad an evening. She said she'd put me in touch with her NYU friends, who also like comics. And here I thought I wouldn't meet anyone new in the city.

Today I told the family about my four-day annual mother's day event. The father thought it was the greatest thing he'd ever heard of in his entire life. The seven-year-old wants to come for Scav this year. I was doing very well until I mentioned that I'd looked up which cities are on opposite sides of the globe (for the Earth sandwich) and the ten year old told her Dad that his "Nerd virus was spreading." I think my status as cool, older cousin is in jeopardy. Although I did take them to see "Journey to the Center of the Earth", so I think I get some points for that.

They're going to a gathering tonight which I'm not required to go to, so I am free to watch the Avatar finale in peace!

I heard the Batmobile lost its wheel. The Joker got away.

Batman dream last night: check. The highlight was when Batman burst into a bank the Joker was at, and the Joker said: "Batman, huh? Well, I'm robbin'."

Knight Time

As I told Anna, any use of your eyeballs not devoted to watching the Dark Knight is a waste of time.

The theater was filled with jokers who let not a single trailer go unmocked. It was kinda a poor man's MS3TK.

But when the film started, the house was silent.

I predicted the main plot twist, but I was terrified of who Chris Nolan was going to execute next.

Heath Ledger is terrifying. I found myself twitching on the subway ride home. Looks like Mark Hamill finally has competition.

All in all, it was the best superhero movie I've ever seen, and probably the best movie I've seen in the past three years.

Made in Manhattan

Neil and the furniture arrived almost simultaneously. Where once there was a bed and two chairs, now there are two futons, a table, two chairs, and a tv tray.

I not only joined a gym but began sessions with a personal trainer. I hurt all over, but at least between this, the lockpicking books, and the climbing classes, I'll be able to mete out my own brand of vigilante justice when I return to Chicago. The personal trainer thing got way cooler when I explained to Pelks that I now had an Ash to my Pikachu. (Perhaps "cooler" is the wrong word.)

Tomorrow, I am going to see the Dark Knight at midnight. Then, it's off to some the house of some relatives. Two years ago I was there (with Ross) and they crushed his fragile psyche by telling him 1) he was nerdy-looking, and 2) I looked too cool to be friends with him. Then they announced they were going to marry him regardless, and chased him around the room trying to kiss him. It was also my first viewing of High School Musical. (Perhaps this is why Ross hates kids.)

Overheard in NY

"God, look at that US Weekly. That face is terrifying. It just looks...unnatural."
"Yeah, they really did a good job with the Joker."
"Huh? Where's the Joker?"
"Bottom left corner. What were you talking about?"
"Picture of Mary-Kate getting out of rehab."

Animal Magnetism

We pick up with our hero's story at 9 AM, when Marlena calls him to remind him that today is Bronx Zoo day. Unfortunately, due to the diabolical machinations of his arch-nemesis, Rossitron, he went to bed at 5 AM the night before.

Luckily, the animals picked him right up. What can I say about the zoo that I haven't already said? It's a zoo! What could possibly go wrong? All the expected things happened, like Ross going apeshit over the camels and me going apeshit over, well, the apes.

My patronus is a spider monkey, you see. (I decided this long ago.)

Anyway, after the zoo, it was time to celebrate Ross' birthday in style. So clearly we spent it buying liquor, then watching Batman, Spider-Man, then Batman cartoons, stopping only for gyros in between.

Like I said, in style.

Marlena and her friend Ellen showed up after we were 90% through Mask of the Phantasm. This was after we called and mocked Bekah for having us as friends, having spent most of our weekend drinking alone and deconstructing "The Spectacular Spider-Man."

--


GUESSING GAME:

A set of flower-print Martha Stewart wine glasses, a can opener, a "Disney Princesses" addition workbook, a can opener, a bottle of wine, a bottle of bourbon, and a bottle of ginger ale.

This is the shopping list of:

a) A sad, forty-something single mother who is down on her luck
b) A gay couple celebrating the anniversary of their baby's adoption
c) What Ross and I came back with from K-Mart tonight

Pool, pool party...la la la la...

Friday (and today) was extremely eventful. Well, so eventful that I forgot to post.

I did a lot of running around at work on Friday, which was unfortunate, because my day hardly ended at five.

I was to stay at home until the Internet people arrived, which (unlike most apartment-related things so far) went off without a hitch.

Then, it was DS-time. I successfully navigated the incredibly dangerous Upper West Side to acquire my beautiful, jet-black new distraction device.

Its name is Wooster. (Bertram Wilberforce Wooster, for short.) It has Zelda, New Super Mario Bros., Mario 64 DS, Final Fantasy, and Picross with it. Maybe I can play it at the Office. Then my translation into Halpert will be complete!

So, anyway, after acquiring the DS, Ross called me and informed me about a pool party in Queens.

"Queens!" I said. "Party!" I am there like shareware.

The awkward thing is that I wasn't on the best of terms with this friend of Ross's. You see, two years before I was kinda with someone and he insulted her and it was a total shitshow with my southern gentility in the way. But now, we're not on speaking terms, so it's totally cool.

Anyway, I talked about Batman and suitably impressed him enough so it's all okay.

Know what the hilarious thing was? Ross told me not to bring my swimsuit, OR my DS. "They'll probably be done swimming. Plus, no one will play with you."

He was wrong on both counts. Luckily, I managed to borrow a suit from someone and get Fred's number to play DS later.

We took out our aggressions in a game of chicken. Ross and I formed a (not-quite) unstoppable team. After some board games, and more drinking, it was time to go to bed.

More than meets the i

Wow, so, Pixar managed to sneak a lot of Apple references into Wall-E. When Wall-E booted up and made my MacBook's noise, I nearly died laughing.

On a side note, Dreamworks, go home. Shrek is dreck. This planet belongs to Pixar.

Boredom rains supreme

The rain made my decision regarding weather or not to go out for me. Instead, there was West Wing and Gotham Knight.

Dilemma

Matt bailed on me today, so I've gotta find something to do with my evening. Let's see...we'll return to my handy-dandy list.

• See Shakespeare in Central Park.
Well, this one isn't gonna happen until July 22nd at the earliest.

• See a Broadway show.
Done.

• Hit the Bronx Zoo.
Happening on Saturday.

• Compare Toys’R’Us and FAO Schwartz.
Well, I have been to FAO Schwartz already...

• The United Nations (don’t go in, just walk by and smirk.)
Neil can actually get me in, so I may have to wait on that.

• Check in with Peter Parker at Forest Hills, Queens.
• Check out Sesame Street’s soundstage in Queens.
I wanna do these two with people.

• Be at a “Daily Show” taping.
Still waiting to hear back.

• See the site of the new Freedom Tower.
Meh.

• Catch a celebrity at Barnes & Noble.
Not really any celebrities I'm interested in.

• Nintendo World, duh.
I've been twice.

• Attempt the Museum of Natural History. Bonus points for making it past all the dead animals.
I probably need an adult with me.

• Bring Kermit to Madam Tussaud’s.
I'll wait until I get a camera.

• See Yankee Stadium before it gets unmade.
• Have a moral crisis about dropping things off the top of the Empire State Building.
I could do this when the others arrive.

• See the Staten Island Ferry / Statue of Liberty, then look for Magneto’s machine from X-Men.
I don't want to go South today, for some reason.

• Check out books for my B.A. at the New York Public Library.
Need a New York resident to go with me.

• Endure Rockefeller Center.
Done.

• See a concert (the Police?)
Oh! I should get tickets for that.


D'oh!

Ross Visits

Ross called me in the middle of lunch to tell me he'd meet me "some time after 7." There is a magical direction called "North." When I go that way from work, I can end up in either the World's Largest Barnes & Noble or Nintendo World. Today, I chose the former, and read comics until I got a call from Bert earlier than I expected.

I told him to meet me in the Nintendo Store, where I was doing research for the DS buying I planned next week. I had done some Craigslisting at work, but wasn't sure I wanted to spend 225 on a DS and several games. 180 seemed reasonable, though. I could've gotten a brand new DS for 130 at the Nintendo Store and gotten it engraved for an extra twenty bucks, but all of the engravings were pretty lame.

Ross found me playing Sonic at the virtual console. He was considerate enough not to hug me until after I put the controller down. This is what I like about Ross. We wandered around, and I showed him everything in the store and the various knickknacks Pelks and Bekah would go apeshit over, then we began a serious discussion of whether I should buy the stuffed Link. All indications were "later."

"Look, Ross," I said, pointing to my black striped shirt, dress pants, and shoes, "I'm blending in."
"I know," he said, with less condescension than I expected, "you look...chic."

Later, I realized I was better dressed than Ross at the time. "Enjoy it while you can," he said, but the important thing is that he did NOT deny it.

We watched a giant projected version of "The Man Who Came To Dinner" with Ross' friends, who were really fun to be around. At one point, after a long discussion of Batman R.I.P., Ross' friend Fred turned to me with widened eyes and said, "You just maxed out on nerd cred." He said it as though it were a major compliment.

After the movie, Ross invited his friends back to my apartment, which made me extremely happy. I was painfully aware there was very little furniture, but everyone seemed to have a great time -- especially after we began cooking tuna melts on my grill in the style of the movie Blues Brothers. I'm out one wire hanger, but up a pair of awesome tongs.

Oh, this is super important. ROSS KEPT A COFFEE BLOG AT ONE POINT IN HIS LIFE. He only updated it once, and it's somewhere on the Internet. Our mission is to find it. Thank you, loose tipsy tongues.

I showed Ross' friends Section 5 Babies, which was a huge hit. Some more Red Stripe later, it was time to go to bed. I made the mistake of telling Ross I had something to tell him before he got on the train, which resulted in him badgering me until we ended up wandering the neighborhood until 3. Which was why I didn't want to talk about it then. Nonetheless, it had strange effects:

"So what do you think I should do?"
"Ross, you askin' me for advice?"
"Well, yeah."
"Usually I just give it."
"I know. But I'm trying to take advice from people."
"Okay, well if you do this, you'll probably do the right thing. And you may even grow as a person."
"That makes a lot of sense."

Then Ross hugged me and got on the train.

Dry Another Day

It started off as a pretty good day. I was awakened by a phone call from Mom, who wanted to know if I had picked up Dad yet. I hadn't even picked up my pants yet. One of the good things about having your own apartment is that you always win pants chicken.

I was overjoyed to see Dad, having been without company for a whopping ten hours. He and I went on a shopping spree, filling my empty cupboards with all manner of foodstuffs. When the dust cleared, my fridge and cabinets were full to bursting.

(Still no sign of my prodigal roommate.)

The real story is my first laundry adventure, which was quite an ordeal. It involved making change at the unfriendly Mexican-run Italian place downstairs, then realizing the machine didn't accept quarters. Turns out you have to get a card, put money on it, then put the card in the machine. Conveniently enough, the machine only accepts shiny NEW ten dollar bills. Which I did not have.

So I snuck back into the Italian/Mexican place (painfully aware of the Chipotle bag I was clutching) and tried to use the ATM at breakneck speed.

In the course of the evening, I managed to spill my detergent all over my hands and emit a scream of frustration that for some reason came out "KHAAAAAAAN!" Luckily, no one was around. I also failed to understand the way the dryer worked, wasting two dollars giving some shmuck's load an extra drying.

I slunk back to my room to eat my burrito, which tasted funny. I panicked, thinking I hadn't cleaned off the detergent residue well enough.

"Is detergent residue poisonous? No, right? 'Cause if it was, then why would we wash our clothes in it? Maybe it's only poisonous if you don't dilute it with water first. I mean, human beings are 70% water, so that counts as dilution, probably. But wait, you're not supposed to eat soap, either. Shit! I could go blind!"

I told myself that being alone, neurotic, and New York was no excuse for Peter Parker-ing out. Besides, I see Ross tomorrow, so I should probably be able to survive until then. Now let's see if I can get them out of the dryer without any mishaps.

Surviving

"I haven't heard from you in a while, so I called to see if you are lonely / starving. Part of me hopes you are. But, um, it's a small part."

At the exact moment I got Pelks' message, I was in fact alone in my apartment and mildly hungry. Luckily, I had Marlena's fabulous brownies and baked goods and the prospect of a visit from my Dad tomorrow. So there!

The train back from Connecticut was uneventful, but I was shocked to find an empty apartment. I was expecting to find Neil, who had taken an earlier train, but instead both he and his suitcases were gone. I immediately concluded he was dead or had decided he hated me and moved out, a view that persisted until I went into the bathroom and saw that his toiletries were still there.

Being the World's Greatest Detective, I deduced that he had gone home to do laundry in anticipation of his week-long trip to Texas on Sunday. At least, I can only hope that's what it is.

I wandered around Greenwich Village for two hours before remembering my plans to eat something substantial. Unfortunately, I was distracted by a comic book store before I could decide where to fill up.

Psychology's a funny thing. Due to my years of video games, my survival instincts are a series of bars above my immediate field of vision. (Think Scott Pilgrim, for those of you in the know.) They (often) depict the ratios "FOOD: xx/20", "THIRST: yy/30", "BLADDER: zz/30", "COMPANIONSHIP" (1 - 5 hearts), and "STIMULATED" which is always Y/N.

"STIMULATED" and "COMPANIONSHIP" always win. This is why I returned with a small burger in a belly and DC: New Frontier Vol 2. instead of filling up more substantially.

Currently, I am sitting alone in my apartment eating brownies, reading my comic book, and playing with my AC unit using my way-past cool remote control. What more could I ask for?

He Represents the Lollipop Guild

Yesterday, I went to a party at a candy magnate's house. I got off the train and was picked up by Marlena, whose lovely and friendly family fed me until it was time for the party.

Didn't have a lot of details about it, other than it was supposed to be utterly ridiculous. Well, it was. After a panic attack about not having the correct clothing, Andrew Cuming was nice enough to drop me off an extra pair of pants. (He first insisted I wear combat pants, but I was sure enough that he was kidding.)

The house was ridiculous. After a fifteen minute GOLF CART ride from the outer gates to the inner household, the first thing we're greeted with is a white chocolate model of the White House that is labeled "Obama's future house."

There was a ridiculously expensive buffet and an open bar, so naturally there were hundreds of freeloaders. But what was really ridiculous was the fireworks. The guy spends more on his fireworks than the city of New York City does. And it showed. A live band played a series of pieces that were then coordinated to the music. It was rude. They started with the Olympic Theme, then played increasingly cheesy songs ranging from the Gandalf/Saruman battle in Lord of the Rings to "Proud to be an American."

"Blog on your blog that I say hi." Okay, Marlena.

Get "N" or get out

My mother is a ten-year-old. I began a sentence with "Today, at MyBO" (referencing the Barack Obama customizable website) and she was unable to take me seriously for the rest of the meal.

Nonetheless, I will really miss her tomorrow. My parents and I have grown really close since college began. Today, we went to the NBC store, the Nintendo Store, the Apple Store, and Central Park. She bought me a "Dunder-Mifflin" shoulder bag and correctly identified a one-up mushroom. She also told me to save up money for a DS and to go buy that stuffed Link I was eyeing. She even remembered the sounds of Sonic the Hedgehog (played on Virtual Console.) Mom's pretty awesome.

Dad is getting here on Sunday, and he'll probably have wine in tow.

Tomorrow, after dropping off my mother at the train station (7:00 AM train) I'll be finally moving into my new apartment proper. Being with Mom was great, but AC and a working shower will be nice.

Bring me the finest bagels and muffins in all the land.

I saw Bradley Whitford on Broadway. I would have leapt off the stage and touched him, but there was a balcony in the way. Also Ma Paul wouldn't let me.

As a side note, Blogger does not know "leapt" is a word. HAY BLOGGER. FIX THAT.

If you're blue, and you don't know, where to go...

Manohman.

I am young, in New York City, have a totally sweet apartment, a not-soul-crushing job, and my BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD is coming next week to celebrate his 21st.

If there's anyone more pleased with himself than me, he must not be aware of something horrible about his own situation.

You can't spell "apartment" without "mean"

I have an apartment...sort of. It's actually pretty sweet. Lots of open space, kick-ass AC, and a nice Belmont-esque location.

There are several caveats, however. Yesterday, my mother had to go let the Macy's people (who refused to deliver the bed at any time that was convenient for us) into the apartment. Or so we thought. Macy's assshole instead gets the key from the front desk and walks off with it. Which is problematic, because, you know, we have to move in, and thievery and such.

We get an extra key made, no problem. Then we find out they won't accept my mother's checks because my name isn't on the lease. (Even though Margot said she already talked to them.) So we'll see what wacky hi-jinx we have to go through to pay these people.

*Update* Everything is now fixed. Sigh.

--

On an unrelated note, the self-destructive part of me really wants some Drank.

OMG what if we gave Ross some Drank? Would he speed up? I must test this.

--

I MUST HAVE THESE.

P-A-R-T-Y?

My boss, upon finding out I was living in the Village, told me to party as much as I liked. Another office worker said "Party, just make sure you show up to work in the morning."

Speaking of parties, I have received more details on this weekend's bash. Marlena agreed to take me under her wing so I wouldn't have to go back to my apartment. Apparently the Bronx Zoo is a total mess the day after the 4th, so we may have to find something else to do. Marlena suggested another party at her friend's house.

"There's just one thing."
"What?"
"You know Enron?"
"Um, yes?"
"Well, my friend's dad like, fixed it."
"Okay?"
"So he's kinda, you know, and might try to kill you. But he's actually really nice."
"Okay."
"Anyway, her pool changes colors, so you should definitely come if you want."

Reckless Raptors or Built Ford Tough

Last night, I had two dreams, one about Harrison Ford, and one about raptors. Not bad for a Monday night. I was pleased that Harrison Ford told me that he'd never actually met that girl I dated. When reality conforms to my mental expectations, it's really much easier for everyone in general.

"Whatever you do, don't lose your cool," Mom said this morning. New Yorkers can smell fear.

Sometime between 11:15 and 1:15, those assholes at Macy's will deliver my bed. As I'm at work, Mom "volunteered" to let them into my new apartment. Then, after work, I'm supposed to move in. If all goes without a hitch, I should have something to sleep on Friday. If not, this weekend will be interesting.