"Oh, other Nintendo wallet,"

I said, mock-mournfully, "we had some good times, didn't we?" Then, I shook it onto the table violently and put all of its detritus into my shiny new Twilight Princess wallet.

During this weekend, Pelks would occasionally whip out a notebook after someone had said something particularly objectionable and/or memorable. "Captain's Log: 'Oh, other Nintendo wallet, we had some good times, didn't we?'"

For those of you not in the know (and if you weren't, shame on you!) some of my best friends (and the best friend of a best friend) drove fifteen hours from Chicago last weekend.

Bekah had shingles, Richard still thought he was in Paris, Olivia had gotten in from Japan the day before, and Ross and Pelks were the same collection of unique incompetencies I knew and loved.

All of this made for an EXCITING Road Trip, I'm sure. Last night, I watched them leave, and I was sadder than I'd been since I came to college.

--

Fem Force Five Minus Two Plus Two left at 7 AM on Saturday, then drove (stopping once) until they arrived at about 12. I was angry. I thought they'd be there at 10. I called Ross twice and yelled at him. Then, when he turned his phone off, I called a groggy and shingly Bekah, made her hand the phone to Ross and yelled at him again. Then Pelks yelled at me. I felt pretty good about how this was going, so I took a nap until they told me they were on the island.

Dave arrived, asking if I'd lost his residents. Well, I didn't. I found them a parking garage, then stood at the corner waving my arms maniacally like a tween at a Jonas Brothers concert until I saw their Escalade. Then, they pulled into the parking garage and severely tried my patience trying to find a parking spot. I nearly jumped the fence and told them off until Ross called me telling me they were waiting in front of my apartment.

Huh. Must have been standing at the wrong exit.

--

I hugged them all at least twice, (well, I hugged Shingles very carefully, but she looked incredibly codeinated and forlorn, so I put her on the bed and gave her Kermit. She said little until the next morning.) Neil and I had spent most of the day (when I wasn't sleeping in preparation or yelling at the Road Trippers to hurry up) scouring the entire apartment for any speck of dust or dirt. We actually bought new cleaning supplies for them. I scrubbed the entire bathroom, and Neil did the counter and the floor. Then we bought social lubricants, which immediately went into the crispifier.

Miraculously, there was actual partying, despite the commute. Less miraculously, all seven of us ended up staying in my tiny one-bedroom apartment. See, they had brought pillows in from the car and anything. And changed into pajamas (which they borrowed from me.) "That's cute," I thought, Bekah and Pelks are going to take the subway in their jammies. "What a unique and interesting idea!"

Then they uniquely and interestingly climbed into my bed, and Ross and Olivia followed suit. What followed was lots of kicking, pacing, and grumbling, but very little sleeping. Ross left us during one of my brief periods of sleep and went to have breakfast with his parents. For a second, I thought she had had enough of the kicking and Pelks had finally eaten him. "Captain's Log: Slimy, yet satisfying."

--

So, clearly, I woke us all up at 10, despite the fact that we went to bed at 4:30. After six people took showers, I took them to the painfully trendy coffee shop in Alphabet City (a neighborhood based on Sesame Street!) We only had to stop for coffee three more times the rest of the day.

I figured we'd better get the touring out of the way before Ross rejoined us, since, you know, he can barely stand us even when we're not being tourists in his city. So after a lunch, we all went to Times Square.

"This is Times Square," I told Olivia, "it's a big fuckin' deal. There's some big shit over there. Lots of signs." Despite how jaded I was, Bekah went to its center, put her hands up and stared happily in a way that put some Barack Obama into cynical heart.

A trip to the Toys'r'us was next on the list, and we spent an inappropriate amount of time there.

On the way to the Nintendo Store, I saw a man dressed as a giant, ersatz Elmo. After cleaning the urine off of my pant leg, I used Neil as a meatshield and dragged him until the abomination was out of eyesight.

First, I took the gang to the NBC Store, trying not to overstimulate Bekah and Pelks. They got impatient. Olivia insisted that we take a "Before" picture. We were too excited to take an "After" picture.

--

At the Nintendo Store, every corner was filled with wonder. Let me put it this way: I promised Bekah and Pelks a stuffed Kirby and/or Link, but they still left happy. We spent THREE hours there. To be fair, we had to wait for Dave (who we'd lost in Toys'r'us), Ross, and Marlena. Anyway, here are our purchases: Bekah and I exchanged Zelda wallets (which was good, as my old wallet was falling apart.) But that wasn't all. Pelks bought me a Bonsly. My Bonsly is crying. Why is it crying? "Because," said someone (Ross?), "you keep throwing it at people." I think it's for a different reason: "Bonsly also has a hole on its rear similar to the draining hole that a flowerpot has." It is one of the most horrifying things I have ever seen.



Bekah is the good twin, so she bought a Snorlax. I also received a Zelda belt buckle, which will hopefully unseat the Batman belt buckle. Fingers crossed. Pelks and I also bought power-up drinks, which is just Red Bull with a picture of Mario on the cover. I was pretty objectionable for the next three hours or so.

--

We sat down in central park for our typical inane conversation. The highlight of the trip was when we saw an inflatable Batman at a stall. Olivia, Pelks, and I started shrieking. Remembering that I hadn't delivered Pelks a plush Kirby, I bought her the Batman (who managed to look unruffled despite being stuffed into a plastic bag.)

For some reason, squirrels kept attacking Ross' friend Jake.

--

The rest of the evening was mostly a disaster until we all went to Karaoke, suitably liquored up. Karaoke was...pretty much what you'd expect. The only real surprises were Richard's moving rendition of "Alison," a horrifying version of "A Whole New World," and our accidental selection of a metal song.

Every song had a music video with it, and "A Whole New World" inexplicably featured a woman singing to herself with mountains in the background. The song also had all kinds of inexcusable changes and frills which made singing at chore and we gave up.

The true highlight was when we misunderstood the karaoke interface and Bekah and I ended up 'singing' some ridiculous metal song. We were pretty sloshed at this point, so we metal'd the Pokemon theme on the way back.